Testing: A waste of time, or a HUGE waste of time?

I'm about sick of all this "wah wah wah, you should test your code" bullshit. Really. I mean, testing code should only be considered if any of the following apply:

1. You're a retard

That's the only condition. If you're a developer worth a crap, you know how to write code. Real developers write correct code the first time. It's that simple. If you can't write code that doesn't break ever, you shouldn't be writing code.

What's worse than bothering to test your code? Writing actual TEST PROJECTS. FLAMING NERD FACES, what the hell are you people thinking? Then, you get bugs IN your test projects. So then you have to write test projects for your test projects. I once saw a development shop that had five layers of testing projects. For reals.

The simple point is, a software developer is measured on output alone. If you're too busy "testing" your "code", you aren't producing. And you have to produce. I mean, you wouldn't pay your grocery clerk to test your apples before you bought it, would you? Hell no! That's your apple, dammit! You're wasting people's money when you bother to test code. If any idiot users think they found a bug, that's what they get for being idiots and not knowing how to use software. I mean, software can't be made to handle every possible case anyways. Everyone knows it, that's why there's nothing out there done to try counter it. So, if you concentrate on making your software work really well for one case, then you're set. They do it that way, and every time, it'll work awesome.

"So, what do I do about all my broken software I've done so far? I've wasted tons and tons on testing, that never got anywhere, because all it did was find bugs! I wish I'd never have tested anything, then we wouldn't have those bugs!" First off, I didn't ask for your stupid questions. Second, shut up. I'm about to give you the step-by-step process to fixing your project.

Step 1: Well, the first step in recovery of your failing test-ridden project, is deleting all those unit tests. Doesn't that feel good? It's like picking off scabs. Very cathartic. Next - start writing new, awesome, perfect code. It's simple. And as soon as you finish each module, immediately push it to production. Soon, your users and managers and all those other jerks we have to live with but don't actually provide any value at all will be so enthralled with your new code, that they won't even have time to remember your old crap. And if they think they find bugs in the new code? They're wrong. Plain and simple. But if they just won't shut up about it - go back to the beginning of Step 1, and repeat.

That's right. My step-by-step process only needs 1 step. That sure as hell is alot easier than all those steps to test things. And easier is better - Steve Jobs has shown us that (too bad MS is full of idiots and won't let .NET code run on Macs - really pisses me off they block off mac users specifically. You know all they have to do is flip a "run on non-windows" switch, and it'd work. Buncha jerks.)

"Wow Rob, thanks alot. You've really opened my eyes." I prefer praise to be made monetarily, but I'll let it slide this time.  Remember, code fast, code hard, code voluminous. Everything else becomes a blur when you're raking in the cash, are being awesome, and being adored by the rest of company for shipping so much product.



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